Survival Gear 101: REAL RESILIENCE

"Whether you think you can, or you can't .... You are right."  

Henry Ford

How you handle setbacks is more important than how you handle success ... and skillfully handling adversity is the secret to success in college and beyond.  So don't worry .... Be Happy!

Don't we all wish it was that easy!  In a world that tends to value the quickest, the brightest the fastest, the first -- finding the "happy face" and "joy" part in this equation is tough!

I believe the best weapon of defense we have to fight this crazed "more is better, faster is the best" mentality that our society is swirling in, is a big dose of REAL RESILIENCE! Bounce-back strategies that allow us to realistically manage our own failures and shortcomings, as this is the key to healthy life balance and successful, positive experiences through high school, into college and beyond! 

Emotions like sadness, rejection, fear and loneliness are normal, healthy and helpful when based on real, authentic life experiences -- No one rushing in to "save us" to make it "all better." No trophy, no blue ribbon, no one diluting our painful experiences with false hopes or shallow compliments. These are real feelings that don't always feel so good!  These raw emotions sting, they burn, and they surface for a reason, and it is our job to sit up, pay attention, and determine how we want to respond.  

If we don't allow ourselves time to feel these unpleasant feelings before rushing back to the world of "being busy" and settling back in to our "happy place," how will we learn how to honestly deal with setbacks and disappointments, sadness and rejection, in a healthy, balanced manner?  

We need the time and attention to grow our sense of resiliency and learn how to genuinely bounce back from life's inevitable obstacles.

Got cut from the baseball team?  Tank on you first AP test? Come up 100 points short on your SAT score? Don't get into your first choice college?  Believe it or not ... this is life's very personal  invitation designed just for you... an invitation for valuable personal growth.  We cannot always control the external circumstances in our world, but we can control how we react to these situations.

6 BOUNCE BACK STRATEGIES:

1)  Set reasonable expectations  Learn to identify the positive aspects of an unexpected outcome -- "When life gives you lemons ..... " Establish a wider, more open window for personal achievement and success.

2)  Accurately evaluate the situation   "Is this really the only college in the world?"  "How does this AP score impact my long term future?" Get real!

3)  Surround yourself with positive, optimistic people  I am firm believer of the saying... "Whatever you go looking for, that is exactly what you will find."  So the search begins today... Look for others who are upbeat, positive and view the world with the glass brimming with opportunity!

4)  Focus on the areas you can control   No sense putting out a lot of effort or stress toward those circumstances you have not control over.  Re-energize your focus around your strengths, special talents, and passions  -- suddenly you have complete control.

5)  Let go of negative feelings or emotions   Resilient people can recognize which events will resolve themselves quickly vs. those twisted ones where you need to rationally talk yourself down off the rooftop.  Once you're safely back on the ground, take a minute to love ALL of yourself -- bumps, bruises and all your imperfections -- Celebrate being human!

6)   Gratitude every day   Be present, pay attention.  Fill each day with the personal mindset that gushes with grace, goodwill, and a deep appreciation of goodness for all that is right with the world.  Positive people easily bounce back from adverse situations and are adept at finding the silver lining in life's shadier moments. 

So sure, try it ... Don't worry....  Be Happy! And do so knowing the origin of your happiness is real, within your control, and 100% genuine!

   

GET NOTICED: FIVE MINDS FOR THE FUTURE

Teens entering college this year will be competing for jobs that do not even exist yet!  Declare a major? In what? In our rapidly changing world young adults need to be creative problem-solvers, ethical diplomats, and thoughtful communicators that bridge and connect global communities. 

There are, however, a few skills worth the price of college tuition, and these are outlined by the work of Howard Gardner, a Harvard graduate from the School of Education.  These skills have universal appeal, regardless of your major, career path, or area of interest.... Want to be top pick for the job?  Graduate near the top of your class? Want to interview well?  Get yourself noticed by growing and practicing these skills throughout college.  Check them out:

"Five Minds for the Future"

 The Creating Mind: We need to reward creativity! Being confidently skilled in the creative process, and having the ability to naturally think and problem-solve outside the box will be an asset for future inventors and entrepreneurs.  To be vulnerable, take risks, jump at new opportunities, and then rebound again and again, as you search for the latest cures, the smartest technology, and most successful peace-keeping strategies will be an asset that will set you a part and get you noticed in the interview or in the workplace.

The Respectful Mind:  As the world becomes more interconnected, those possessing a "respectful mind" will be able to welcome the growing exposure to new people all over the world with a greater level of enthusiasm and empathy.  You will have practiced the art of patience and  tolerance, and share this trust by forming meaningful links while giving others the benefit of the doubt.  These are the relationship-builders, and they will lead all of us forward into the unfamiliar with open, trusting arms.

The Ethical Mind: Though often hard to understand, this kind of intelligence views the world on a universal scale. The bigger issues are always at the forefront of your decision making and conflict resolution. If you have learned the ways of the ethical mind, you will demonstrate moral values by example, but will also work quietly to guide and influence others toward actions that are ethically responsible.

The Disciplined Mind:  This is the skill that will push those who seek to remain competitive and at the top of their game toward further excellence.  Continuous education is essential to achieve expert status in a rapidly-changing world.  Future businesses will value your ability to tackle new challenges with intellect, stamina, and commitment.

The Synthesizing Mind:  This is a mind that will have that "searchlight" intelligence which will  enable you to be able to look expansively, while holding tight to the details as they arrange these in new and useful ways. You can see the "big picture" and then are able to break down complex information into smaller parts and have it make sense for the rest of the world. These skills will be cherished in the workplace.

Now these are skills worth the investment! Greater reward, interest, and celebration on divergent thinking, positive, global communication, out of the box problem solving, ingenuity and innovation are the qualities that are going to land you that interview, that first high-powered job, and that first career that gets you jumping out of bed in the morning eager to start your day!

HOPE is on the way

HOPE is on the way....   and it has just arrived on the faces of so many Americans, both young and old.  I was witness to Obama's inauguration. I too marked history with two million others huddled and shivering, yet completely exuberant, bright-eyed, and hopeful on the Capitol mall on this extraordinary January day.  I believe that the spirit and momentum that comes with this new administration and bright, historic change, will be carried out by the work, the visions, the creativity, and the ambition of the young people represented in Washington DC that week.

Young people not afraid to dream big, and to reach for the impossible, and in those moments find what IS possible.  The young people willing to see the extraordinary in the ordinary every day people and day to day life... the ability to use their ingenuity and entrepreneurial sensibilities to create something out of nothing, as they foster and build respect and tolerance, empathy and  engagement, will and stamina.  These will be the ideals, the traits, the fuel that will propel this new America forward.  Hope is on the way -- Oh yes we can! Oh yes we did! Oh yes we will!

HOPE: Oh Yes We Can!

Teens to Twenties: Grab your compass and find your own True North

So UC and college apps are in, and high school juniors and seniors are well on their way to wrapping up the college admission process. Yet underneath the SAT, ACT scores, sweaty Club or Varsity soccer jerseys, 27 draft essays, transcripts of dual enrollment classes, and hours of contrived community service hours and non profit work you'll find that kid you once knew... the kid whose eyes held the gleam and the lively sparkle in his eye who was once in love with his world and all of the people in it. Sadly now, where mischief and light-heartedness once played, all you see are darks rings the color of number 2 pencil lead.  Where has the zest and excitement gone in our teenagers?  I think I know..... You see we all have this innate need to stay connected to our own true north and our own internal compass, and when that gets buried and lost under all of the pressures to succeed, to perform, to outscore, to achieve, to compete -- we lose our truest sense of self, and that bright light inside of each of us goes out.

Without some sense of inner passion, purpose, and direction passing life's next test is an unknown worth exploring. This test is not so visible, not so obvious, and is much harder to measure with percentage points or weighted GPA's. This is Life Skills 101 and it is the strongest indicator of lifelong success and sustained, authentic happiness.  College admissions counselors report that "Incoming freshman are entering their first year of college burned out and with no genuine desire to learn.  They arrive ill equipped with no sense of true, independent direction."

 We need to strike a balance -- Yes, if you are going to remain competitive with the big leagues and the ivy leagues, and remain in good standing with the big boys you do need a strong resume, and you need strong SAT scores,  but you also need a clear sense of self.  Do you know how to be the be resourceful and get extra help when you need it? Navigate independently? Bounce back from set backs and remain resilient and optimistic? Can you set priorities? Manage time and choose healthy new friends? Consult your intuitive creative sense of knowing? Which star are you following? Now these are real life skills worth investing in!

These are the truer tests and indicators of transitional success and health into college-- So grab your compass, set your direction, and let passion and your own "true North" lead you confidently on your way.

Twentysomething Career Crunch

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