Letting Go! OUCH! A Few Tips to Ease the Pain

Parents often find themselves feeling lost, out of synch, and wildly disconnected and alone when their sweet, demanding, often arrogant child finally packs his/her car, their high school yearbook, along with their new bedding and childhood blanket, back pack, and slowly drives away. This is the beginning of a new chapter framed by new independence, personal choice, and a whole lot of unknown risk and adventure.

So really who needs the help and extra reassurance in this situation? Yep, the kid is fine. He/she is filled with that contagious adrenaline and excitement that a new, independent adventure releases. Yet parents too, are filled with their own "adrenaline rush" of sorts, and an anxious level of excitement. However, a parent's experience is more likely to be one filled with worry and concern.

Parents often hear the advice to just "Let go, and allow your child to make mistakes; allow them to deal with their own setbacks and challenges." And guess what? Parents do "Let go" ... eventually, but this too is a process that takes time. So let's be careful to honor the process, and the very real grieving that accompanies this loss and significant change in both the lives of the child and the parent.

Here are few tips that can help parents actively "Let Go" as they support their child through this big transition (summarized from the UCSB New Parent Handbook):

1. Focus on COMMUNICATION vs. CONTROL. Get good at asking those open-ended questions. Ask the kind that invite options, choice, and the free will to take personal control of a situation.

2. Be SUPPORTIVE. Simply listen. Let your child know that you are there, and that you are a solid (but not intrusive) source of constant support.

3. Expect CHANGES. College is a time of questioning and challenging the status quo, trying on new faces and playing with new ways of showing up in the world. Expect resistance (especially when they return home). Try hard to just roll with this this period of experimentation, and to respect their new-found independence.

4. Allow for more FREEDOM. This is a time to explore; to sample the buffet table. Most students change majors an average of three or four times throughout their college career. Keep focusing your support on the "end goal," not each micro-step or detour.

5. Adjust your EXPECTATIONS. College is competitive. College is distracting. 4.0+ high school students may struggle to maintain a "B average." The stress that accompanies a whole new environment may be reflected in your child's drop in grades. College kids are busy making friends, learning how to become independent, as well as juggling their study schedules and academic learning. Consider the value of the whole learning experience.

6. Be PATIENT. Don't panic if your child is experiencing some struggle, stress or challenge during those first few months (or even first year) of school. It takes time to develop and find your own rhythm, time to establish deep friendships, and to deal with the "culture shock" that new college life presents.

Smile! Know that you have done your part to successfully launch your child into this dynamic and exciting world of independence and new opportunity. Keep communication open and supportive, and watch the wonder and curiosity take hold in its own unique way inside your own young adult's development.

Freshman 10

Right now soon-to-be college freshman are already busy packing boxes and suitcases filled with new bedding and linens, personal laptops, boxes of Top Ramen, and their ATM card ready for their first year away at college.

When I work with high school seniors or college freshman we often talk about what this new life chapter will be about for them... sometimes they are crystal clear, while others are more skeptical or unsure as to what their future will bring.

Here are 10 things that I recommend all Freshman pack up in their trunks, suitcases or cardboard boxes -- 10 things that are sure to bring perspective, success, and feeling of empowerment & ownership:

1. Take some time to decide who you want to be in this next chapter-- Which traits or qualities do you want to bring along, and perhaps more importantly, which attributes do you want to leave behind. You choose! You get to decide!

2. Know why you are at college. Be clear about your own values and be ready to set your own priorities.

3. Establish the longer view early on -- Keep your eye on the end game, your end goal and use this benchmark to help guide your decisions.

4. Find a "symbol" that reminds you of who or what you want to be and why you are at college -- Place this symbol or image somewhere that you will see it every day -- on your laptop, on your mirror. Want to some day work and live in New York city? Find an image or word that represents that loftier goal.

5. Get connected to more than one group. Network. This is where you build connections, create your own unique support team; one that will get you through the bumpy parts on this new road.

6. Sample the buffet line-- Try new things! Take some interesting and curious classes! Hang out with a different group of people. Have an adventure or ten!

7. Don't be afraid to take some risks.

8. Learn how to recognize your own stress; how and where it shows up for you. Work to create some stress management techniques that keep you balanced and on your game -- Exercise, talk with friends, get outside, carve out alone time, journal, learn to say no... What else?

9. Balance the weight and responsibility that comes with the academic load with an attitude of lightness and fun. New experiences. New people. New chapter.

10. Call home at least once a week.

a BEER + a COCKTAIL NAPKIN = INSTANT GENIUS

The best new business ventures, latest fashion trend or bauble, environmentally smart new technology, cure for an obscure disease, global initiatives, and our own brilliant next steps are usually sloshed around at the neighborhood bar while hanging with buddies and throwing back a few beers.

So what if ....

Just what if ...

For the next three months, every time you venture out to meet the boys for a beer, or step up with the ladies and have a cocktail or two, you quietly commit to "holding court" for the first 30 minutes on a topic or question that might actually lead somewhere.

What's a problem that needs solving?

What is a question everyone is asking?

What would you do for FREE for a whole year?

What are you doing when you are at your best?

And then there it is! The potential unexpectedly explodes ... for your next invention, career track, partnership, travel plans, or whatever!

When you put together:

Community

Networking

Brainstorming

Intellectualizing

and Synergy (OK, and a few beers)

That can lead to:

Creativity

Ideas

Progress

Innovation

Partnerships

and the next GREAT widget of this decade!

Just a cocktail napkin, a cold one, and 30 minutes ..... and see where things GO!

Who wouldn't drink to that?!

Feeling down? Go see UP

There ain't no time for the summertime blues-- "Cross my heart."  

Grab a salty box of popcorn, some chewy Red Vines, your favorite drink, settle in to one of those cushy theatre chairs -- and let Ellie and "The Spirit of Adventure" sweep you away for an hour or two.  

You will not be sorry! Your imagination will stir, your heart will swell, your whole face will smile, and your sense of adventure will bust wide open.  It will be two hours where you will be absorbed with the childlike spirit of play and adventure and imagination-- and I think that is a really good thing ... especially in summer.

It seems that it is at about this time in the summer vacation that we all begin to get a little bit restless. Eager for a little more structure, eager to reunite with some old friends, and dare I say, even a bit eager for the challenge and familiar routine that a new school year brings.

Don't go there yet!  Breathe in!  Breath out!  Breathe in!  Breathe out....

There is such great value in down time -- time to restore our physical and mental health, and time for creativity and dreams to take hold.

And in this glorious summer space of limited responsibilities, warm summer breezes, sandy beach days, and carefree long afternoons that roll into evening .... I challenge you to make some promises for yourself in the coming year.

Promise yourself that you will:

Celebrate free time.

Schedule in creative, alone time this year.

Be selective as to how you invest in extra-curricular activities.

Connect with those people and activities that interest YOU.

Drop those commitments you are doing out of obligation. 

Colleges are looking to enroll "human beings" and they quickly see through those applications that are filled with a lot of contrived "human doings."  They want the real deal --  the real person -- They are looking for authentic, genuine college students who will find a true sense of belonging and feel at home on their campus.  They want the real YOU!

Free time, down time, play time, the "Spirit of Adventure" time is that necessary space that allows us to quietly discover our own interests, competencies, and talents. We can do this because we set the tempo, we set the calendar, and we can move at our own pace.

This is healthy stress management. 

This is balance.

We need sleep to rejuvenate our over-scheduled minds and bodies.

We need daydreams to tap our passion and set us on our own creative course.

We need time to think and reflect so we know who we are, and where we fit.

And sometimes we need a few cartoon animated characters like Ellie, a heart-warming story, and a sleepy dark theater to remind us to take our time -- to dream --  to explore --  and to unbury the child-like spirit of summer  inside each of us.

Go see UP!

P.S.  What's inside your "Adventure Book" ? 

 

BOXED IN? BUST OUT of the Conventional Job Search

In today's job search you need to shed the stiff expectations, the obvious search methods, and the conventional choices that lead to frustration, rather than reward. Work to discover and access your own unique skill set, your passion, and differentiate yourself from the millions of other recent college graduates on the job market hunt.

You need a change up!

Quit chasing titles, status, the big money-- as too often the external world and outward marketing ploys tend to focus our thinking and options on the material gain -- Quit chasing the text book job! Bust Out of the Boxed In cubicle chaos.

Something inside of us let's us know when we are not at our best.

Pay Attention!
Listen!

Or
You will lose your way!
You will lose your principles!
You will lose your genuine drive and passion!

Take some time to...
Be quiet
Reflect
Dream

Get Creative
Scheme
Get Busy
Take Action

What can you begin today that is a ....
A smart idea?
Innovative?
A new development?
A new solution to an old problem?
A quality investment of time, creativity, and your own resources?

Daniel Pink, author of A Whole New Mind advocates that right brainers are now primed to rule this next business and career decade .... as we move from the Information-Technology Age, to what he has termed the Conceptual Age...  Pink feels that the keys to success in this next decade will rely on two broad skill sets:  Design and Empathy.  Adding aesthetic, creativity, color, and immagination to the automated, sterile, big box products coming out of the Tech era is going to be a skill set that is valued and lucrative in the next career market.  As well, possessing the emotional EQ to demonstrate empathy, tolerance, understanding and acceptance are going to be essential, required "people skills" as we work to build a more interactive global community.

Pink gives credence to the value that six sensibilities will bring to the future workplace: design, story, symphony, empathy, play, and meaning.  He believes these traits will be necessary to keep people passionate, motivated, innovative, and productive in this next generation. 

(For a faster read, try Pink's adult comic book:  The Adventures of Johnny Bunko: The Last Career Guide You Will Ever Need.  He highlights the "6 Career Secrets No One Ever Told You."

With these ideas in mind, how can you radically change the direction in your job search today?

Remember you choose where you go from here. You can change direction, change your strategy, change your own location, change your focus any time you want.  And you can do this as many times as you want!

What is meaningful to you right now? 

What can make a positive difference in this world?

Are you a business guy? Start a company.  Become an entrepreneur.

An educator? Find a job or internship in a high-need neighborhood.  Volunteer at your public library, Boys or Girls Club, local elementary school.

Do you think like an engineer? Jump into the Green Revolution.  Design, retrofit, invent, train environmentally-sound operations and people.

Trained in health care or nursing? Care for our aging population.  Tap their energy, their wisdom, their creative reservoirs-- make their final life chapter one worth celebrating. Outward Bound for Seniors!

Do small things. 

Do big things. 

Find somebody or something to be successful for.... 

Ahh! Now that's the way to put personal passion and your unique skill set to work in the world!

You are Incredible; and the Earth is Hiring

Stop with the job search whining already.... Jobs DO exist for anyone with ambition, an entrepreneurial spirit, a creative eye, a sensibility toward "green commerce," and the guts to put themselves out there.

The GREEN revolution is happening-- so why not make your own place in its evolution?  Get creative!  Get bold! Get moving!  The questions that "green entrepreneurs" are asking themselves include: "What 's urgent? What's futuristic? What will the world need in the next 5-10 years?" These questions are your own wide open invitation on the road to becoming a successful, bold, green entrepreneur.

Here is how to find HOT, GREEN jobs in a COOL, BLUE economy:

1.  TURN THAT SHIRT INSIDE OUT - Don't be afraid to try your skills on in a new arena.

2.  BOXED IN? BUST OUT? - Carry an open mind with you everywhere you go.  Enjoy the idea of an unexpected job change, a new career path, open up to new possibilities, and think about how you might repackage your skills.

3.  NETWORK LIKE A CRAZY MAN - Let all kinds of people know you are looking. Everyone becomes a new opportunity or resource eager to be tapped.

Start by researching these potential environmental job clusters:  

• Renewable Energy (wind, solar, alternative fuels) 
• Building green, Building efficiently 
• The science and engineering behind biofuels, bio-genetics and green farming
• Transportation and alternative fuels
• Environmental law, compliance, and regulations
• Green function and design (clothing, food, shelter, everywhere)

This economy and environmental job market needs environmental engineers, chemical engineers, computer and electrical engineers.  We need construction management teams, architects, and builders to retrofit, design, and build resource-efficient buildings. We need creative  designers to add the aesthetic to the function of eco-building. We need farmers and scientists to genetically maintain the growth and integrity of whole, healthful foods. We need innovative and strategic land use city planners to help us think through ways to conserve and limit our use of space and resources.  Artists and creative spirits are needed to breathe life, passion, and color into this new way of being and thinking in the world. They are needed to soften the sharper edges of science and function necessary for this evolution to take hold and stick. Educators, trainers, and researchers who can reach and teach others about green innovation are in high demand in every career cluster.

So whether you specialize in practical skills, hards skills, soft skills--All skills are in great need as this green revolution takes the earth by storm. So... Get creative!  Get bold! Get moving! NOW!

So no more whining -- "YOU are incredible, and the EARTH  is hiring!"